all my love feelings are all kinds of messed up and it's kinda neat because it's been a while since ive felt this way.

you know. like uncertain.

for the longest time i thought i knew it all, but now this could go anywhere, and it almost feels freeing.

happy

yesterday my mother ate basically nothing but candy. she ate some watermelon and some potatoes, which was the only "real food" she ate

then she ate taffy, werther's oringinals, chocolate chips, ice cream bars, and coffee cake.

the in the evening she felt really sick, and thought she had flu, but then realized looking back on all the junk she ate that that was the cause.

today, the only junk food i knew she ate was a piece of taffy, and 2 werther's original candies.

tonight, i got in a fight with my boyfriend and i had been super upset about it because he was yelling at me for not understanding directions. but then when i hung up the phone, i noticed my mom eating a salad, and remembered how earlier she ate roast beef and carrots and potatoes, and it made me really happy and forget about johnny because i was so pleased that she was eating real food and not making herself sick.

i know it sounds dumb, but i was and am worried about her health

she has back problems and takes pain medication, and tonight before she went to bed, she told me she wants to cut down on her pain medication because it may help her back pain, but it makes her tired and messes with other parts of her, and she doesn't like not having control. i'm worried about her pain getting bad, but i'm also hopeful that she'll start turning her life around a little. though she can never work a job, and has severe difficulty walking or even sitting still without feeling pain, i have hope she can live a happy life.

i'm happy she's making herself better or trying, and i'll be happy even if it only means taking a few less pain pills or eating less candy.

so right now i'm pretty happy

i just got done eating a cheese head and now i'm eating goldfish graham crackers! --the honey kind  and i have jack johnson playing softly in the background

i haven't played his music "softly in the background" since sam was my roommate. she was evil. i used to fall asleep to a fan, and she hated it, so one night i was playing on my laptop and i fell alseep with music on. she came in late and heard the music and i guess it was some sample music playing and it was so soft and sounded classical. she said it was so calming and she fell asleep. and she thought, that since i fell asleep listening to music, that meant i could just do it even when i wasn't super tired, which i was that night. i hadn't meant to fall asleep listening to music, or with my lap top turned on and resting on my stomach. so we started to fall asleep to jack johnson. and that worked all quarter for the first quarter.

during that quater, i kept noticing that my stuff--"stuff" as in food, shampoo, school supplies--would just go missing or slowly diminish.

by the end of first quater, i was sure it was her. i wrote a note on my wall when i came back second quarter. it might not have been nice, but it was nasty. it said something like "hey you, yeah you. i know you've been stealing my stuff, so i've locked it up"... or someting and i said "from now on if you want to borrow anything, the answer is no"

now just because we're roommates, doesn't mean that sign was intended for her. i had 4 other roommates besides her. though the sign was in my bedroom... but that was where the crime was happening. she got mad about the note. really mad. and let it build up and took it out on me and when i was looking for my t-square which she borrowed without permission and conviently left on the kitchen table. well there was a lot of stuff that happened in between that day and the end of the quater... like me not being able to fall asleep because she had so much hate, that she loved to play her tv all night as loud as she could and invite boys over and make out and pretend i wasn't there. oh and she would make them watch her dance videos....  so not a fan. they were loud and you couldn't even tell what was going on. anyways my point is by the end of the quater, she got in a fight with one of the other girls when i wasn't home.. well i was home, but not in the dorm. i was in ohio visiting family, and i was also sick. by the time i got home, i saw that all her stuff was packed up and i was happy because i knew it meant she was leaving, but no one was home and it was creepy. the other two girls had to be moved temporarily because they were afraid of sam.. kind of dumb considering i was her roommate that shared a bedroom, but i don't blame them. she is pretty creepy, eh?

by monday after the weekend, she was gone and my other 2 roommates came back!

and next quater, i got the best roommate, miss andria.. well her name isn't miss andria. it's just andria. but i do miss andria. i call her dria pia. she's so nice! and we got along so well

well this isn't what i intended to write, but i suppose this is pretty sufficient

though i did want to mention i'm going home for the second week of my fall break and i'm going to see my family doctor for my ear infection. i'm already starting to feel better, but this is just a follow up. i went to the walgreens take care clinic and the nurse doctor lady wrote me a perscription for amoxicilin and ear drops. giant eagle gave me the amoxicilin for free because they were giving certain perscription antibiotics for free! SCORE! the ear drops did cost $26 but that's not bad at all. its cuz i didn't have my insurance card, but they said if i got it straightened out, they could refund me for the ear drops, which i probably can. or should i say refund johnny cuz he payed for them like the good bofyriend that he is. i love giant eagle and pittsburgh/monroeville and johnny, but i'm glad to be going home for a while. it's a nice break.

well i guess this about sums this up. now i'm going to back and make all my text pretty colors. i love being tacky when i'm not doing super cereal graphic design. though i'm not sure if many colors is tacky. it is if they don't match. and it can get inconsistent. and i'm sure i spelled that wrong, but i'm doing pretty good for 2AM

good night world!!!

or should i say "good morning!"

i get to go home today!!